For no reason at all, that I remember or fathom – I was using a logo for Coca-Cola (you know: small, niche drinks manufacturer; rots your teeth, keeps you awake…) and I thought: what is the brand slogan of Coca-Cola? Enjoy Coca-Cola? Always Coca-Cola? Is that right? So, I looked it up, and you know what it is? Twist the Cap to Refreshment. I am not lying, it really is that shit.
I can just imagine the very, very big meeting with every big-dick from Coca-Cola trying to not be the one to make the wrong choice: ‘Well, we can’t say unlock because not everyone drinks from cans…twist the cap! Yeahhhh! Twist…like the dance…and cap – has that whole east L.A gang thing going on…and, well, it is refreshing…and our biggest market is the twist-cap market…we’re genius’!!!! The kids are gonna love this’
Brand slogans are strange things. Some are so insipid as to become part of everyday speech, and some are so utterly awful that you wonder if their use has damaged the brand irrevocably. There is also the trend for cities and towns to have slogans – and events too. Maybe we should have personal brand slogans? (I was thinking, for myself: Makes a Great Fourth impression…or…The Sharpest Spoon in the Toolbox…or…does his own stunts). Finally there is sonic branding, when music or a ditty has been used instead of a slogan. The horror.
Where is this leading? Nowhere! But here are some favourites:
- Always Coca-Cola You should always pick Coca-Cola (not that sweet Pepsi shite)…We’re gonna last forever…We’re the first we always have been…the list goes on. Clever and most people could probably hum the ‘sonic’ brand as well.
- A Mars a Day Helps You Work, Rest and Play (in Germany it’s: Mars mobilizes you at work, sports and play – no rest for the Germans then, eh?) It might not be true – it’s not like it’s Complan – but it was a very, very memorable slogan. So good that Mars decided to change it to (quick Google): Out of this world! What marketing spangle decided that was a good idea? Their career must be be in tatters by now (they must be so fired because it has now returned-ish to: work-rest-play). Though my favourite is the Mars European slogan: Mars: The Pleasure you can’t Measure. Please, please comment with humorous words instead of Mars…
- What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas How cool is this as a slogan? So good I thought it was an urban myth. I think this should be an inspiration to other towns and cities: Swindon: What Happens in Swindon, nobody cares about…or…Nottingham: The Only Way You’ll Leave is in a Box…or…Switzerland: Neutral…like beige.
- I Love New York Been copied, pardodied, printed on t-shirts, glazed onto mugs. Simple, memorable, clever – I think NYC even started the whole city-slogan thing and they just use the heart shape. Awesommmmmme.
- Columbia: The Only Risk is Wanting to Stay This is utter quality. They should have gone the whole hog and done something like: Columbia: Its So Good Here, You’ll Want To Be Kidnapped….Columbia: Take A Bit With You, Get Shot…Columbia: Get High (it is at altitude…). This kind of brutal honesty in country slogans is a rarity and opens up potential new markets: Iraq: Coming back is the Tough Part… Afghanistan: Indomitable …
- Just Do It Better known than Jesus. Though Adidas‘ Impossible is Nothing is pretty bloody good as well (great website too!)
…and some that I hate:
- Maybe it’s Maybelline! Maybe it isn’t! Maybe you forgot to put your contact lens in! Maybe you’re far away and close up she’s ugly! Maybe you’ve had eight pints of Stella! Maybe she’s wearing Mac make-up, because it’s better!
- Share the Moment, Share Life I read this and it almost sounds sincere. I look at the words and they make sense, they actually mean something and they relate to the product perfectly (Kodak) but…I HATE IT. Some wanky agency in La La Land sat around brain-storming this over skinny cinnamon lattes as they shot hoops in their eco-studio and it is cheesier than a man made out of cheddar swimming in a fondue after eating 82 minibabybels. ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!! I don’t need your poxy cameras to share moments or life, I’ll buy another camera, from another manufacturer out of spite. Someone please explain why I hate this so much!
- Welcome to Scotland Who came up with that, a cat? It defies reason that this inspirational and dynamic slogan cost £125,000 real British Pounds. Honest. Honestly: £125,000 for something they copied off a doormat.
- Dum-dum-dom-durrrrmmmm Intel make good products that are well specced and well priced but because they have to play the dum-dum-dom-durrrrrmmmm every time they mention their name makes we want to visit Intel headquarters with a hunting rifle and an evil glint in my eye. ARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!
That’s it. I’m done. Relax.